santa banta

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                                                               Santa Banta




भिखारी: 5 रुपए का सवाल है बाबा !
संता: पूछो, शायद मुझे आता हो।
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भिखारी:



संता ने ब्लड टेस्ट करवाया
रिज़ल्ट आया ‘A+’
सोच कर बड़ा अचरज हुआ कि
साली कामयाबी तो रग रग मे दौड़ रही है ..
तो साला स्कुल मे ‘C’ क्यों मिलता था ..



संता ने बहुत कठोर तपस्या की..
प्रसन्न होकर भगवान प्रकट हो गए:
मांगो वत्स.. क्या वर चाहिये.?
संता चौक गया बोला प्रभु:
सिस्टम से चलिये.. पहले तपस्या भंग करने के लिए
अप्सराएं आती है.. उनका क्या हुआ..?


संता- क्यों भाई बंता,
3 महीने पहले तुम्हारी Nameplate पर B.A. लिखा था
और अभी M.A. लिखा है ??
दो साल की डिग्री 3 महीने में कैसे??
बंता-3 महीने पहले मेरी बीवी mayke गयी
तो मैंने Bachelor Again (B.A.) लिख दिया था।
अब मेरी wife दुबारा ghar aa गयी
तो (M.A) Married Again लिखा है।


SANTA Shirt utar ke balcony me tha.
Ek admi- Wah Santa ji..
Kya chest hai
SANTA- Are ye to kuchh nahi,
Teri bhabhi ki dekhega to pagal ho jayega.


Santa, Gehri Soch Me..
Wife: Kya Soch Rahe Ho?
Santa: Ye ZEE NEWS Walo Ko Kaise Pata Chalta Hai?
Wife: Kya?
Santa: Yehi Ke, ‘AAP DEKH RAHE HAI ZEE NEWS




4 Students:
1 of HARVARD
1 of OXFORD
1 of TEXAS
&
Santa Singh of IIN
1 Common Question:-
What is the Fastest thing in the World?
Student of HARVARD: Light
Student of OXFORD: Thought
Student of TEXAS: Blink of an Eye
SANTA SINGH of IIN: Loose Motion!
Because
Last Night I Was Lying On My Bed & Before I Could
‘Blink’, ‘Think’ or ‘Turn on the Light’,
It was all Over..
Harvard / Oxford / Texas Shocked .. IIN Rocked..!!!




Police: Oye, tune Papita Bechne wali ko kiss kyon kiya??
Santa: Sir, main bhi kya karta wo itni der se mere ghar ke bahar chilla rahi thi,
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PAPPI-TE LE LO,
PAPPI-TE LE LO..!



A man to Santa:
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Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
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Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
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‘He’s not my friend.’




Santa Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha: Kyu Tension Me Ho?
Santa: Yaar Ek Dost Ko plastic Surgery ke Liye 2 Lakh Diye,
Ab Saale Ko Pehchan Nahi pa raha hu..




Santa Ne Ghar Ke Uper Wale Hisse Mein
Paint Kiya Aur Neeche Wale Hisse Mein Likh Diya
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Same As Above






Ek Baar Santa Ke Gaanv Mein
Ek Minister Aya Hua Tha,
Logo Ne Apne Gaou Ko Sudhaarne Ke Liye
Kayi Cheezo Ko Maang Ki.
Santa Bhi Bola: Hume Apne Gaanv Mein Pul Chahiye.
Minister Hairan Hote Hue: Par Tumhare Gaou Mein To
Koi Nadi Hi Nahi Hai.
Santa: To Fir Hume Nadi Bhi Chahiye.





Mujrewaali:
Hamne aapko khus kiya
ab aap humko khus kar do.
Santa emotional ho gaya aur bola,
Acha behen, ab tu baith main nachta hun.








A Khubsoorat Si Ladki
Santa Ki Garment Shop Par Gayi
Aur Boli: Mujhe Underwear Dikhao,
 Santa Sharmate Hue: Aaj Pehan Ke Nahi Aya.





Santa: roti ka 1 tukda khud kha raha tha
aur 1 pass baithi murgi ko khila raha tha.
Banta: Ye kya kar raha hai?
Santa: Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu,
Shravan chal rahe hain na.






Santa -Jab bhi wife mera
photo apne mobile se click karti hai
mujhe bahut dar lagta hai.
Saala aaj kal OLX aur quikr ki
advertise bahut aati hai na.




Teacher: Oxygen is must for Breathing.
It was discovered in 1773.
Santa: Thank God I was born after that.
Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata.




Santa: Ye bata ki duniya mein kitne desh hai?
Banta: Kar di na paagalon waali baat,
duniya mein 1 hi desh hai INDIA,
baaki sab to videsh hai!




Doctor To Santa: Aap ki Ek Kidney Fail Ho Gayi Hai..
Santa Pehle To Bohat Roya Phir Aansu Ponchte Huwe
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Kitne Number Se ??







Santa to Son: Mmaths vich fail kyu hoya..
Son: 1st day teacher kendi 5+3=8..
Agle din kendi 6+2=8..fir kendi 4+4=8
ullu di pathi khud confusd hai mainu ki padaeygi







Santa was looking at mobiles displayed in a shop.
Salesman: Please come inside & choose.
Santa: MC.. How can you talk to me like that?
U come outside & mera choos.




Santa: Agar Nariyal Ke Ped Pe Chad Jaun To..
Engineering College Ki Ladkiyan Dikh Jayegi.
Banta: Phir Hath Chhod Dena,
To Medical College Ki Bhi Dikh Jayegi




Santa half pant pehenkar cycle chala raha tha…
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To ab kya wo bhi utar de…?







Nurse: Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Santa: Wah-G-Wah kya technology hai,
Biwi meri hospital hai,
aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai!!!




Ultimate..
Mukesh ambani: Agar me subha apni car me niklu toh
mein raat tak apni aadhi property bhi ni ghum sakta..
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Banta: Hamare pass bhi thi aisi khatara car..
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OLX pe bech di..!!







Chain message by Santa –
Please iss message ko itna forward kariye ki meri girlfriend tak pahunch jaaye..
Santi, tu sim change karke changaa nahi kitta.. Marja kutti..






Dukh Hamesha saath rehta hai, Magar Khushi aati jati rehti hai.
Santa, please explain this in English..
Santa: My Wife Is With Me, But Her sister Comes & Goes..!!






Santa Kafi time baad USA se vapis india ayaa to banta usko recieve karne gaya..
Airport se vo santa ko leke bahar nikla to santa ne sadak se gili mitti uthayi aur soongh ke bola
Santa: Yaar bantya, ap apne desh ki mitti ki khusbu pahle jaisi nahi rahi
Banta Gusse Se: Abe oye gadhe, tune mitti nahi tatti uthai hai





This is a classic!!
Santa idlibana raha tha
Wife: Tum itni achhi aur badi idli kaise banate ho?
Santa: Mere paas idli banane wala kapda hai
Wife: Haramkhor yeh meri BRA hai.






Santa ring a call center:
My internet is not working properly.
Officer: Ok, Double click on ‘My computer’
Santa: I can’t see ur computer
Officer: No no, click on ‘My computer’ on ur computer
Santa: How can I click on ur computer from my computer?
Officer: Listen,
There is an icon labelled ‘My Computer’ on ur computer
Ok double click on it
Santa: What the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?
Officer: Double click on ur computer
Santa: On which Icon ‘ve to click
Officer: ‘My Computer’
Santa: Oh Teri……Pagal insaan
Tell me where is ur office.
I’ll come there and click on ur ‘Computer’.